Four hours of doing shit all. Don't you just love it when you have an exam in the morning then have to wait until 4 o'clock until your bus comes to take you home? Wonderful! Such fun! Right on time too...I always miss tea time.
My friend says she is going to die. She has another exam. Have fun Cherie!

Well that last post was proved wrong...stupid fat whore. I was sorta fasting and I was feeling fine then all of a sudden I felt like I was going to be sick. I was hyperventilating. So after that I figured; maybe if I eat just a little I'll feel better. So what do I do? Eat a whole plate of spaghetti! God! I'm so stupid! And now today I eat a veggie pastie. I MUST NOT EAT!!! I feel so guilty when I eat. After I ate the spaghetti I cut myself because I was bad...Bad girl! I need to do more exercise now.

OMG!!! Reverse thinspo...I am never over eating again.

I'm a bit of a whiner aren't I? Oh well. lol. I ran out of pages in my journal :( and I can't get my new one until my birthday (2 weeks) not very long admittedly but still...I write a lot in there and if I can't write it there I might start writing it here...not sure if I want all that craziness to be on the web for everyone to see...I lost 2 kilos!! Yay! I still look fat though **pouts** I need to keep up with my fasting and exercise to lose more. Irritating being at school because I can't exercise when ever I feel like it. The weight is going to come back isn't it? It can't! I won't let it...Will Power! No binges! I asked Ana what I should do and she said I should purge...I'm afraid of throwing up though :( so gross but it may be needed...
Anyhoo I think mum is going to let me get my belly button pierced! Woohoo! I hope it won't interfiere to much with exersise though.
Note to self: Start buying Dolly for thinspo.

Lost more weight already. Not much admittedly but still some. Happy! I think I'm going to tell my family that I'm going to make my own dinner so I can not eat anything. Not really sure if it will work but worth a try. We'll see if they are gullible. Oh! My hair arrived! Yay! I just have to wait untill my birthday so I can get it. It had better be enough to braid all of my hair...if not I'll have to buy more...it takes sooooo long to get here from America though.

Lost more weight YAY! Now I just need to lose 16 more kilos (35pounds) The I will be my current goal weight. When I get there we'll see how I look and whether or not I need to lose more. I really should wear my corset all the time. I really, really, really want a rat...I would call him Horatio.

OK so not eating around family is impossible without them interfering. That will have to wait until I move out which will hopefully be soon. While I'm still here though I'll just have to eat as little as I can. I have one or two coffees a day, no sugar, should probably have it black too but I don't think I can stand the flavour. I don't usually eat breakfast (mum made me, one hard boiled egg) no lunch and then whatever we have for dinner I usually only eat half if that. My parents think I'm starving myself. How can I be starving myself when I have to eat food? Stupid food. I'll just have to workout more often.

Why was pizza invented? Stupid pizza. Can't get out of eating around my family. It would't make up for it but at least I did about 45 minutes cycling. Cutting...hm. People always say it's bad but why does it make you feel better?

I feel so pathetic. Why did I eat? Do I want to get fatter? i think I subconsciously torture myself, like I'm always eating when I shouldn't, even if I make a promise with myself I wont eat I always end up eating. Why do I always become infatuated with someone who is completely unattainable? It always happens, everybody I like will never like me back. There was someone I sort of liked but not that much and he asked me out so I said yes but now I just feel so depressed and want him to go away. I don't want him I want someone else but that will never happen. I just want to sit and watch him all day because when I can't see him all I want to do is lay on the ground and cry. Why do I have to like him? He's nice, hot, funny and he's a teacher at my school!!! My Mr. Sexy. Stupid girl.

OK so...I have problems with motivation so I was thinking maybe if I post stuff on the Internet I will feel compelled to go through with it. I hope so. Righty-o, according to my BMI I am healthy but I really don't think so. I look and feel so fat so I am trying to lose weight and writing about it might help. I am currently trying a fast for the very first time and am hoping it will work. Hard part is getting out of eating while I live at home with my family. Anyway mufti day at school tomorrow so I am going to wear my corset and anything I can find that looks remotely Victorian.

I know people probably don't care about any of this but I just felt like doing it...