That's not right.

Another family Christmas party today. Hoorah. Entirely too much food, like fuck. Everyone is like, "Oh it's Christmas, you have to eat heaps, you can indulge." Yeah right, where is that going to get me? Fat, that's where. But what I don't get is they had a piniada...in the shape of Santa Clause. Right...encouraging kids to beat Santa with a stick...

I am like a raving fucking lunatic when my periods are due. Everyday, all day I feel like crying, the tiniest little thing can make me so angry that I want to physically harm people or smash things. Just seeing the car of someone I don't like and my mind is off, muttering explisitives and indulging in very dark and violent thoughts.

None of my extended family today noticed I had lost any weight. I can't see it either but my mother is always going on about how skinny she thinks I look. Yeah right mum, me skinny?
A few people in the family said I looked nice and one of my aunts said that she liked my hair colour, But they don't think I look skinny. See! I told you so! You think I'm thin mum, but I'm not!

I'm like 58.75kg today, well actually probably not anymore...ew. But anyway, I want to be 50kg at least, but why on earth do people think I don't need to lose more weight? I don't get it. Do they not see the stomach that makes me look pregnant, the flabby arms or the fat thighs?

Seeing my cousins today did not help my mood at all. All of them thin and out going, except for one who is bigger than me but she gets along with people. I just sit in a chair and quietly stare around the room, occasionally talking to my mother. I don't fit in with other people. My social skills are non existent.

I hate my period because I become more insane than I already seem to be and I lose all of my control over my eating. For that week every month I should lock myself in a room with a treadmill or something and only come out for the bathroom and to get water.

Whatever, at least there are no more Christmas parties to go to, that I know of anyway...