Mother saw a bit of the cuts on the side of my arm, only a scratch really. She doesn't seem to understand that trying to make me talk about it or show her only makes me feel very upset and want to cut more. Now I'm feeling the urge to cry even more. Good thing I haven't eaten today. Good thing she didn't see the fresh, deep cut.
No one understands the feeling of cutting. Its good, its a release, it makes me feel better and calm down. People shouldn't get to criticize me until the have felt what I feel constantly, what I go through on a daily basis. Sure other people have worse to deal with than me so they may understand but others who don't get it need to shut the fuck up until they open their eyes and see the world for what it really is; a pile of stinking shit with a pathetic excuse for life polluting it beyond repair.
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Yes, I completely understand. My parents are fucking idiots who tell me to just stop, well they obviously don't get the depth of the situation. They're always saying how disappointed in me they are, because now they finally know I'm not the perfect daughter they've always dreamed of. I hate them. They're selfish, misunderstanding, judgmental idiots.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, cutting does feel good. It's like, all the negative energy just seeps out of your skin along with the blood. For awhile, anyway. And at least when it comes back, you can still rid yourself of it. It's perfect, no matter how 'wrong,' and people don't seem to understand that.
And I couldn't agree more with your last sentence. The world is more fucked up than people think, and if they weren't so blind, they would see that. They would see us. People like you, people like me, suffering, in pain, the fact that it's mostly emotional doesn't matter. But they view people like us, who see the world for what it really is, as 'messed up.' How pathetic.
I agree! No one who hasn't cut can understand what it's like to cut. My parents would think i was "Sick" or "Messed Up" if they knew that i cut. They've used those words to describe cutters before, but they're so wrong! Some people cry, some people binge, some people cut; it's just another way of releasing that pain. And it does feel good. It even looks good. I love the blood... Stay strong, darling. Don't let what others say get you down.
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