Finally, finally, finally bellow 55. That took so fucking long. I saw 54.7 on the scales and felt my heart flip. Now that I've got bellow I hope it will be easier to keep losing.

I've found recently that making soup for dinner is good because when no one is looking I can go into the kitchen and while I pretend to rinse the bowl I can pour the soup down the sink and people think I ate it.

I know I always went on about how I wanted my anti-depressants to work but I haven't taken them for three days and I feel better than I do when I take them. It's really strange. I have been so depressed for so long that when I take my zoloft and feel less depressed I feel wrong. I've been depressed for so long that that is the only way I know how to feel. If I don't feel depressed I don't feel like me. I would rather be me than a fake, chemically happy me. Though I haven't yet told my mother that I've stopped taking my pills, I've just been hiding them.

I finished reading a book the other day called 'Killing Aurora'. It's about a 14 year old girl who develops anorexia. The book was good though really strange. I liked it until it came to the end. It made me cry. Aurora recovered and turned into a fat goth. I have nothing against being goth because that would make me somewhat of a hypocrite. It was the fact that she became fat. I have no idea how she would be able to live with herself for doing that to her body, drowning herself in fat. I don't personally know any former anorexics but I know I wouldn't be able to survive if I recovered and became fat (though I don't have anorexia, I think I have EDNOS though it hasn't been diagnosed, I know my eating habits obviously aren't like other peoples).

I think the herbal diet pills I've been taking are working because I've sadly been slacking off on my exercise because its been raining almost constantly. I had been stuck on 55kg for so long while I was doing exercise and now that I've been taking these herbal pills and not actually doing much exercise, I've managed to get bellow 55. I've noticed no side effects from the pills what so ever which is wonderful. These seem to work for me so I would recomend Fusion Weight Loss pills to anyone who wants them if you can find them.

Think thin and starve on.