And what do you know? I've gained of course.
Thank you so much for your comments, you've made me feel so much better, I love you so much, you make my day.

I realised after my last post that I have to go out to Mexican for my dad's birthday tonight so my plans for today of no food have been ruined...like most of my plans whether it be by my own hands or someone elses...
I'll fast until dinner then hopefully there will be a salad on the menu...if not I have no fucking clue what to do.

Thank you again for your comments, I hope you're doing better than me <3

Fat, ugly bitch

I'm a fat, ugly bitch who does nothing but eat.

I'm so stupid I deserve to die.

I'm so fat I want to die.

Why do I keep eating when I know it is the reason I get depressed? Then I eat because I'm depressed. Then the whole vicious cycle repeats. Fuck my life.

All I want to do is sleep, sleep until I'm almost starved and wake up, see myself finally thin, then I can die smiling.

I am not eating tomorrow, especially when it is confirmed that I have gained, and if I do eat I swear to god I will make myself bleed enoough to fucking drench myself.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair...

My hair hasn't been very happy lately; it has been constantly shedding more than usual and it's just not very healthy. (Dad was very annoyed when he had to unclog the shower drain.) So I have decided to start a raw food diet because I read something that says it is really good for your hair as well as low cal. It said in 6-12 months (a while, I know) your hair will be the healthiest it has ever been, which is great because I want to grow my hair past my bum...(a girl with a possible ED wanting long and luscious hair...that'll work...)

I hope I can make this diet work because I've been having trouble lately eating any food without bawling and hating myself. I just finished fasting for three days(I wanted to go longer but my parents were getting suspicious)and all I want to do is go back to fasting but I know if I want to keep my hair on my head instead of in the drain I have to eat.

Every thing about the word "eat" fills me with resentment.

Posting again but meh...

I haven't eaten all day and I feel great! I'm full of energy and I feel happy. I'm practically bouncing off the walls with energy; I'm moving around faster than usual and practically skip when I walk. This doesn't happen all the time when I don't eat but it has happened before. Does this ever happen to anyone else?

omg!

When I lean over I can see my bottom rib! Doesn't it feel like you've accomplished something when you see results? Like when your muscles wont stop trembling after a work out (like mine are doing now lol). But it's not enough, I want to see my second rib and my third and fourth...I want my hips to stick out when I stand not only when I lay down. I want my bones. I want to be skinny.

binge, binge, binge

Fuck I hate my periods, they make me sore and make me fucking EAT. I don't want to. My diet is fucking ruined and all I want to do is cry.

I have realized that I have developed a habbit of punching my fat. I punch my stomach and thighs when I'm pissed off at how they look and I punch them when I binge. And it wont fucking bruise! I want it to bruise! Why do I want it to bruise? I hit pretty bloody hard but still nothing. I punch my fat as if it is it's fault that I binged. I'm just weak, the scars on my arm spell that out to me.

No more food now and definitely no food tomorrow. Food is such a disgusting word.

I have realized that combining the 2468 and Atkins diet would be hard because of the amounts of calories 2468 wants...Atkins diet has very few calories...
I think that maybe I should switch to the Atkins diet because I've just had all my calories for 400 calorie day and I feel like a disgusting, fat pig. It was only 400 calories but it seems like so much! There is no way I could manage 600 and 800 days! I wish I could just fast but it is soo hard with people interfering. Why, why, why, why, WHY!! can't people leave me alone? I'm so fucking fat and disgusting yet people still try to stuff me with food. Are they trying to make me more miserable? Maybe they want to kill me...fat people die all the time of related illnesses...I don't want to die from being FAT! Dying of something so disgusting is just pathetic...
I just want to be thin so I don't hate myself anymore. I hate all this fat all over me. Skinniness is so entrancing to me. I want it more than anything. Food should just fucking piss off.
I need to start hiding food again but throwing it under the balcony is not such a good idea because the dog sniffs it out and my parents get suspicious when she scratches around down there. Putting food in the bin in my room isn't very good because it starts to smell even though I wrap it in plastic and empty the bin every second day. I could flush food down the toilet I suppose but if I doesn't go down would be a big problem...
Does anyone have any other ways of hiding food? Otherwise I think I'm just going to have to stick to hiding it in my bin...I'll need a bigger bin though...

2468 + Atkins Diet

2468 is going well even though it's only been a day and a half. I was going through the site I read about the 2468 diet on and found the Atkins Diet. This is what was on the site:
Atkins Diet

This plan is a low carbohydrate method. The avoidance of carbohydrates in your diet is structured to keep your body from adding weight. The method includes eating less than 20 grams of carbohydrates per day. The idea behind restricting carbohydrates is that it will send your body into ketosis after 24 to 48 hours.

Free Meats and Cheeses:

The following meats and cheeses have no carbohydrates. Using the Dr. Atkins Diet plan you may eat as much of the following items as you wish.



Meat Fish Fowl Seafood Eggs Cheese
Beef Trout Chicken Lobster Hard Boiled Cream Cheese
Ham Salomon Turkey Mussels Fried Swiss
Bacon Sole Duck Clams Poached Aged & Fresh
Lamb Tuna Goose Oysters Soft Boiled Cottage Cheese
Veal Flounder Cornish Hen Shrimp Scrambled Cheddar
Pork Sardines Quail Squid Deviled
Venison Herring Pheasant Crab



Not Bad Vegetables:

A serving of these salad vegetables has 10% or less of your daily carbohydrate limit. Therefore you can eat up to three cups of these without worry.



Alfalfa Sprouts Jicama
Arugula Lettuce
Bock Choy Mache
Celery Mushrooms
Chicory Olives
Chives Parsley
Cucumber Peppers
Endive Radicchio
Escarole Radishes
Fennel Sorrel



Other Vegetables:

These vegetables have more carbohydrates than the ones above. You'll want to limit your intake of these to about 1 cup per day.

Artichoke Hearts Kale
Asparagus Kohlrabi
Avocado Okra
Bamboo Shoots Onion
Bean Sprouts Pumpkin
Beet Greens Rhubarb
Broccoli Sauerkraut
Brussel Sprouts Scallions
Cabbage Snow Pea Pods
Cauliflower Spaghetti Squash
Celery Roots Spinach
Chard String Beans, etc.
Collard Greens Summer Squash
Dandelion Greens Tomato
Eggplant Turnips
Hearts of Palm Water Chestnuts
Leeks Zucchini



These foods are high in carbohydrates and should be avoided:

Alcohol Grains
Anything with flour Juice
Beer Non-Diet Soda
Breads Pasta
Candy Potato
Cereal Rice
Chips Sugars
Fruit



Sounds good doesn't it? I'm going to try and incorporate this into my 2468 diet. Sorry the foods may be a bit hard to read.

2 4 6 8

I am starting the 2 4 6 8 diet today. It sounds good because I don't like eating much anyway and with an actual calorie allowance I'm not as likely to eat too much. I found a site with some good low calorie foods I want to use for this diet, the link is: http://www.angelfire.com/me4/sumofallparts/Restriction%20Kitchen.htm
I hope this diet works. If not I think it's still good to do anyway.

Strawberry Gashes

Cutting is such a relief. My tears stop, my breathing evens, I relax, I can breath again. It's like a trance. If only people weren't so narrow minded they might get it.

I so pathetically had been gaining weight over the last month or so and I'm determined lo lose again. I want to be 48kg by my 18th birthday at the end of September. 12kg in 4 and a half months. Sounds doable. I hope. That will bring my total weight loss to 24kg. 53lb. That will be wonderful.

Think thin. When I lose, I win.