Why do clothing sizes have to be so varied? Now that I've dropped a couple of sizes I'm getting confused when I try and buy new clothes that fit. In one shop I fit into a 12(American 8), another shop and I'm a 10(American 6), and the again, I'm wearing my new undies I bought the other day and I thought, "hmmm, these could have been smaller," I look at the tag and they are a 10, I needed an 8(American 4). What the fuck? This is screwing with my mind. Am I a god-damn Lagre, Medium or Small? I used to know my size. I used to be somewhat happy with it. Not now. I've dropped 2 clothing sizes and can't see a difference. How is that possible? The scales say I'm lighter(though definitely not enough), my clothes say I'm thinner but then why does the mirror say I'm still the same. Why do people think my goal weight is too small? 50kg is my first goal weight, once I get there my next goal is 45kg. Good thing no one knows about my 45kg goal.
Anyway, enough ranting for the moment. I've been pleasantly surprised that my Mother has allowed my to fast. Day two is almost over and I am 58.15kg (but to reach my goal weight in time I should be 56kg right now...god-damned fat). I absolutely adore not eating. It makes me feel so good. I want to fast until next Sunday at the very least but I shudder to think when my parents will make me eat again.
May your dreams be full of happiness and thinness, unlike mine which recently have been full of fatness and binging, (thank god they're just dreams).
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I know how you feel. My mom tells me I'm 'so thin,' but God, she must be blind if she thinks something like that. I absolutely despise mirrors! I hate looking into them and I just want to cry when I do. I hate myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd just a few nights ago I dreamt that I was eating food, like forbidden foods like cake and chocolate. Twice in a row. When I woke up I was freaking out and breathing fast until I realized they were just dreams. Wow, I suck.
Anyway, good luck with your fast! I wish my parents would let me do that too.
I hate how clothes work like that. Just yesterday i tried on two pairs of jeans, same brand, same style, same size, different color, and one pair fit perfectly while the other pair wouldn't even go halfway up my thighs. Like what's up with that?!
ReplyDeleteStay strong, darling. I'm sure you'll reach your goal weight soon.