Argh

I wake up in the morning, weight myself, not satisfied, so I decide to starve. Goes well all day, I feel good, in control, only time I feel happy (except when I see my reflection). Then it comes to family dinner time. It is so impossible to not eat dinner with my family and they don't even realize how bad eating makes me feel. Even if I only eat a mouthful or two of food I feel so disgusted with myself. I feel like crying and hurting myself. I feel like I don't want to go on.

No one sees how fat I am. How useless. I am nothing except fat. I want to disappear. Maybe if I can stop eating completely I will get to small that I disappear and wont have to put up with all this shit. Nothing will matter. I would like that but people always get in the way. They make me eat. They torture me with food. They don't allow me to reach my goals.

All I want is to be thin.